Today Daddy and I had to say goodbye to you for the very last time. Your daddy carried your casket all by himself. You are so tiny. It was hard for me to see just how small your casket was. I just couldn't stop picturing your tiny, tiny body [3 lbs 3 oz, 16in long] resting in such a tiny, tiny casket. You wore a pretty white dress. It was the smallest one Grandma Schwartz could find for you, but it still had to be pinned back to fit. And it just happened to be the same dress most of your Branch cousins wore when they were blessed. So special.
Maycie, I miss you. I miss feeling you kick. I miss feeling you have the hiccups. I miss feeling you jab my ribs [even though I cussed you for doing this].
But even more? I miss holding you in my arms. Because your body had so many "ouchies", we only got to hold you for a short time before you passed. But those few hours meant the world to me. Your skin was so soft and the perfect shade of pink. You had the most chubby little hands. Your fingers were my favorite. Short and stubby. So, so adorable. You couldn't even wrap your fingers completely around one of mine. Your cheeks were just the right amount of chubby [you got those from me, you know. Except yours were much, much cuter]. I could kiss them forever. And your hair...where did you get that from? You had so much dark brown hair that the nurses were able to put a perfect little curl on the top of your head. They gave you a pretty white headband too. It fits on my wrist. I just can't get over how small you are.
You may be small, but you made such a huge impact on your daddy and I. I don't think either of us realized just how much love we would have for you. Not only that, but you made us realize just how much we love each other. You are so lucky to have your daddy. He is so patient. So loving. I don't think I could make it through losing you without him wiping away my tears.
I will never forget the glow you had when I first saw you. Your spirit was so strong. I can't even imagine what a strong daughter of God you must be to have chosen to come to earth for such a short amount of time, knowing you would be in terrible pain the entire time you were here. Your Heavenly Father must be so proud of you. I know your daddy and I couldn't be prouder.
Thank you for letting us be your parents. Thank you for showing us a new level of love. Thank you for making me realize just how lucky we are to have the gospel in our lives. I don't know if I could handle losing you if I didn't know I would see you again. I cannot wait for that day.
Until then, be a good girl. Give your cousin Macsen a kiss for us. Take care of your siblings. Watch over your grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins; they love you so much. Learn as much as you can so you can teach me when I finally get to hold you in my arms again.
I love you Maycie Laine. I cannot wait for the day when I can kiss your chubby cheeks and hold your tiny, tiny hand again.
Sweet dreams Maycie girl.
Love,
Momma
7 comments:
I woke up earlier this morning, because I couldn't sleep. My thoughts were turned to my little niece, Maycie Girl! Oh, how precious she is, and how perfect she has become! Katie and Jake you two have amazed me through this struggle in your lives. I am so proud of Maycie, and her short life, but I am in awe of her mommy and daddy! What a challenge you two have endured, and will continue to endure while your hearts and arms ache for your little precious Maycie! Katie, I am so proud of you, and the mother that you are! How strong that you have been, and the example that you are to me! Jake, seeing you carry your little girl in her teeny tiny casket was heart wrenching! You did it with such grace! I can't even imagine the feelings that you were having and the impact that it was on everybody, most importantly, Maycie's Mother. But also the impact it had on Maycies grandparents, great grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins and to everyone else that was there to witness the burial of your little angel. I cannot speak for anyone else, but seeing that little casket and her daddy so bravely carrying her to her resting place struck me with such love and compassion. You guys are my new found heroes :)! I promise that Maycie will never be forgotten by my little family. We have prayed for her so much and have been blessed by those prayers. We are so proud to call her our little niece and cousin, and so happy to have an angel among us. Katie and Jake you will continue to be in our hearts and prayers as I am afraid that the true trial that many think may be over may really be just beginning. As, I am sure your hearts and arms may always ache to be with and hold your little Maycie girl again!! WE LOVE YOU!!
My prayers are you with. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but like you said, she was a choice spirit if she just needed to get her body. What a blessing to be the mother and father of such a valiant spirit. All our love.
Beautifully written Kate! I sure love you guys and am so proud of you.
Katie you have such a way with words. I read this, and bawled. Then I read Jami's comment, and cried a little more. Words can't really do justice to how much we love you and are proud of you, so just know that we ditto everything Jami said.
So sorry to hear about your sweet baby Katie and Jake. I can't imagine anything being harder in this life than losing a child. You are in my thoughts.
Kate & Jake- I love you both so much! Thank you for letting me there for a large portion of Maycie's short life. Her spirit was so sweet and I am sure your life, as well as the rest of ours, was forever changed by her short time here on Earth. I learned so much by watching the two of you endure thie trial. Like Jami said, Maycie will never be forgotten. Not in Jami's family, or in our family, or in Jessica's or Alan's... She had grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and parents that she forever changed. She will always be part of our family. Love you guys!
This is beautiful! I love the picture, and I love the words. What a beautiful life taken too soon. I can picture your beautiful Maycie and my December Grace up in God's lap with their cute little "belly buttons". Sending lots of love always!!
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