Flashback: it's {all about him} and his girlfriend...

You guys sick of the flashbacks yet? Too bad. My posterity will thank you for your patience. Besides, I am almost done.

I think.

***

Naturally, the fact that Jake left to California for 10 straight days after our first kiss was a case of serious bad timing. Because of this, Jake made it is agenda to make sure he never left my mind. He called me every night to catch me up on his day and randomly sent me pictures of his adventures. This was also the first of many times Jake sent me flowers. [Have I mentioned he likes to do that?].

One night, during our daily chat, the mother of the family he was staying with asked who he was talking to. Jake answered [completely nonchalantly], “Oh, it’s just my girlfriend”.

Uh, I may or may not have stopped breathing for a minute. Or longer.  I mean, c’mon, I spent the last year proclaiming “Kate Doesn’t Date” and now I was being called “Jake’s Girlfriend”. It scared me a bit…to say the least. But at the same time, I couldn’t help but smile. “Kate Doesn’t Date” had a nice ring to it, I’ll admit. But “Jake’s Girlfriend”? It just fit. As terrifying as it was, it fit.

***

Jake was scheduled to arrive back into Pocatello late at night.  I was planning to spend the day after class prepping for his arrival. You know, plucking the eyebrows, doing the hair, shopping for a new outfit, etc. All of the important stuff.

Instead, I woke up early that morning when my phone received a picture message. It showcased Jake...and the door to my apartment. I was too asleep to really understand, I guess. It took me a good five minutes, plus a knock on my window, to realize what it meant.

Turns out Jake decided to leave Cali a day early and drive all night long so he could surprise me when I woke up. And surprise me he did.

He surprised me so much that it took me a full minute after I answered the door to realize I was missing a very important supportive undergarment. This led me to run into my room, leaving a very confused and slightly hurt Jake in my living room. He was sure I was unhappy to see him. I was too embarrassed to admit to him the braless truth.

***

He waited for me to get ready, and then dropped me off on campus. I spend the next two classes with a perma-smile cemented on my face. After class, he picked me up and we spent the entire day lounging around my apartment telling each other our deepest, darkest secrets. You know, new relationship stuff.

I admitted that “girlfriend” slightly freaked me out and Jake was more than understanding. I will never fathom why he was so nice to me through everything. Jacob has to be the most patient guy I have ever met. Seriously. I put him through more things than the average guy would ever put up with. And he handled it with a smile on his face.

I kinda love him. And this day was one of the beginning experiences that lead me to have these feelings. [Cheesy enough for you, Jessica?]

 Why all the flashbacks? Find out here!

it's {just me} and my fashion faux pas...

The other day my sister Kim posted this lovely piece of reminiscing. And it got me thinking. This, plus a late night closet cleaning extravaganza, lead to the following:

I asked Jake if it would be okay if I wore the orange number to church. He didn't quite like the idea. But he did follow through with a slow dance stepped to the beat of his Linkin Park Pandora playing in the background. Touching. 

Isn't it funny how your tastes in fashion change in just a short matter of time? Burnt Orange and Hot Pink? Really Kate? 

And even better? The Orange was worn for my Junior Prom. The Pink was for my Senior Prom. I was able to squeeze [really, I don't think I even took a breath while wearing it] in the orange one. But the pink refused to zip even a little [I had to hold it shut so I didn't give you all a show]. 

Even worse? ...

This thing was so tight I could hardly breathe. It took a lot of tugging and pulling from both of us to even get the zipper up. Promise it used to be white. Ignore the grey shade it now adorns from all the mud I dragged it through. 

I dug a little deeper in the closet though and found something that still fits over my bulging hips. It gave me a little bit of my lost confidence back.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

What?? It sooo counts. 

Moral of the story? I have the worst taste in dresses. And I have definitely added my share of "badonkadonk" since I said "I Do". The end. 

Flashback: it's {all about him} and our first kiss...

I remember my very first kiss ever. It was in the second grade. [Hey, I had three older sisters. I had to keep up.]  

During reading hour, my beau and I would coincide the time we went to the bookshelf. That way we had a few minutes together where we could inconspicuously hold hands. I don’t think we even exchanged words. Just held hands. I am sure we thought we were being very discreet. Why our teacher never scolded us, I will never know.

One day at recess, my little lover told his friend to tell my friend to tell me [you know how it works] that he wanted to kiss me. So, I told my friend to tell his friend to tell him that we could schedule the kiss during our next “bookshelf” time.

The time came and I got the “go ahead” signal [if I remember correctly, it was a mini heart cut out of pink construction paper passed across the room from his table to mine. So fitting.] So I met the boy at the bookshelf and waited.

Waited...waited…

And what do you know, the poor little guy chickened out! But I was not going to let my “bookshelf time” be wasted.  So, I took matters into my own hands. I planted one right on his … cheek, of course. A kiss on the lips was just disgusting. Full of cooties.

If I remember right, we “broke up” about a week later. Must have been one heck of a kiss.

This boy now lives "happily ever after" with his boyfriend [yes, you read that right]. Again, it must have been one heck of a kiss. Obviously it had a big impact on his life. [I refuse to believe my perfectly planted kiss had anything to do with his present lifestyle. I refuse.]

***

Now you are probably wondering what this little story had to do with Jake.

Well, nothing really.

There really aren’t any similarities. Our first kissed was not planned out on a schoolyard. It was definitely not by a bookshelf “supposedly” hidden from our teacher. We actually included communication surrounding the big moment. And my kissing abilities did not lead Jake to make any drastic lifestyle changes. Phew.

But one thing is the same in both “first kiss” cases. My first kiss with Jake, like my very first kiss ever, was initiated by me.

Not that Jake was too chicken like Mr. Bookshelf. Oh no. If he had it his way, he would have planted a kiss on me that very first day at Ice Age 3D. Instead, being the sensitive [but masculine. Very, very masculine] guy he is, he waited until he was absolutely, positively, one-hundo percent sure I wouldn’t run screaming in the opposite direction. What a gentleman.

***

Jake had a big trip planned to visit some of his favorite families from his mission so he was leaving for California for 10 days. The night before he left, we sat in my living room laughing, talking, and joking until 5am.

You know how it goes. First, it started with a lull in conversation. Then we made the ever so famous “eye contact”. [Goodness. There is no way to tell about a first kiss without sounding completely and utterly cheesy.]

Jake hesitated [out of pure fear for my reaction]. And I took advantage of his hesitation.

And you pretty much can guess the rest. Really, I have given you enough details already. Besides, my future kiddos will probably be making disgusted faces and gagging sounds as they read this. No point in egging them on further. [Or is there?… Kids, it was perfect. Take that.]

And that was that. He left the next day. [Or at 8am, a mere 3 hours since he left my house. Poor guy was probably exhausted.]

                          

Why all the flashbacks? Find out here!

Flashback: it's {all about him} and the hypothetical situation...

After the “standoff’, I think I finally got the picture. It took me long enough, that’s for sure. But the fact that Jake liked me . . . well, freaked me out. Not because I didn’t like him. It was quite the opposite. It freaked me out because I did like him. And that really rained on my “Kate Doesn’t Date” parade. So I hid my feelings. I refused to let him know that I may have had a huge crush on him.

Well, little did I know, I was doing a fabulous job at hiding my feelings. So good, in fact, that Jake assumed I was less than interested in him. So he decided to once again move on.

Brandy let it slip that this was Jake’s plan. I think that is exactly what I needed to wake up from my “Kate Doesn’t Date” stupor.

But, I was still shy about the whole thing. So I did what anyone would do in the situation. I text him. [it’s the answer to any conversation you need to have but are to shy to go about it]

But, I couldn’t text him as myself. Oh no, that would be way too forward. So, the text went something like this.

So, I need some advice. Let’s say I have this friend. Speaking hypothetically, of course. [yep, I went there] And she has a crush on this boy. But she has been in a relationship for a long time. And she doesn’t know what to do.

Uh, creative right?  [Jake and I both agree we may have reached a new level of cheesiness with this]

And he replied,

Well, I bet the guy would understand. You should tell your hypothetical friend to go for it.

And go for it, I did.

***

After this, we spend almost every night together. But Jake was timid. He says he felt like he had to walk on eggshells so I wouldn’t become skittish and change my mind about the whole thing.

So he took it slow. One night, he gave me a hug. Huge monument for us!

A few nights later, he held my hand.

A few more nights and he got up the nerve. He finally kissed me … on the forehead. I had the poor guy so sure I would freak out if he went too fast [which is completely true].

But, his plan really worked in his favor. His acceptance of my need to take things slow was just the thing to show me what a good guy he was. 

So I finally took matters into my own hands...

Why all the flashbacks? Find out here!

Flashback: it's {all about him} and the text...

Jake and Shawn, Brandy's fiancé, played intramural football together so they became good friends. One day, Shawn sent Jake a text…

…Wait. Maybe I should recount a few more…awkward details.

Now I am not proud of this. But it’s all part of the story. So it needs to be said. I have said it once and I will say it again… Don’t judge!

Like I mentioned, during the time Jake and I didn’t really see each other, I had this neighbor. No more details need to be supplied about him other than we were friends. And sometimes we kissed. Friends that kissed. That’s all.

Anyways, this neighbor was a good friend of all the girls in our apartment which meant he was at our house a lot. A lot, a lot.

Naturally, Shawn was at our apartment just as much. And these two didn’t quite see eye to eye [that is putting it lightly].

Now I didn’t know this at the time, but sometimes Jake would tell Brandy that he couldn’t quite get me out of his head even with us not seeing each other. So Brandy told Shawn.

Okay. So back to the text. After probably a long day of Shawn putting up with our neighbor, he sent Jake a text [of course, I only found out about this after we had been dating for a while].  

I don’t know the exactness of it, but it went something like this, “Dude, if you still like Kate, you need to start coming back here as fast as you can. She is hanging out with a [insert not the nicest term].

So that is exactly what he did. After their football games, Shawn would bring Jake over to our apartment [trying to use Jake as bait for me to kick the neighbor boy out, I’m sure].

***

One night, after one of their game, Jake came over. It got to be late and everyone went to bed. Except Jake and I. And the neighbor boy.

Doh.

The word ‘awkward’ doesn’t even begin to describe it. There we were. The three of us. Hanging out in my living room.

But keep in mind, at this point I was unaware that Jake liked me. So the awkwardness wasn’t even to the scale it could have been.

After we were dating, I found out Jake was texting my roommate who was listening in her bedroom to the entire awkward experience. Turns out, he almost gave up on the whole idea of me and left right then. But, thanks to my roommate and her “stay with it” and “don’t let him win” encouragements, Jake stayed until the neighbor boy finally decided to leave.

Now nothing happened between Jake and I that night, but I think the “standoff” really sent the picture to the neighbor boy.  Don’t get me wrong, he still came over all of the time. But he didn’t try any kissing business after this night.

Jake really knows how to stand his ground. Obviously.

Why all the flashbacks? Find out here!

Flashback: it's {all about him} and "Kate Doesn't Date"...

The second time Jake and I had a chance to hang out, the dreaded question was asked. I always hated this "inquiry" back then. My answer was instantly followed with a plethora of opinions. Opinions I didn’t want to deal with.

“So Kate, are you dating anyone?”

My answer, “Kate Doesn’t Date”.

You see, that was my motto. I coined it for myself my second year of college after I sent a certain friend out on a mission. One year in and I had yet to break my motto.

Jake, like most people, laughed at my explanation. He swore I wouldn’t make it. I swore I would prove him wrong. [Glad we didn’t bet on it. Even more glad he was right!]

But we still had fun. That night we played a lively game of Cranium. I am sure I made a fool of myself somehow in my usual Cranium fashion. [One time, I had to spell Mississippi. Let’s just say it didn’t end well. Somehow, I added a few extra s’s. No big deal. Also, Jake still teases me about the time I had to act out Elmore Fudd. That didn’t end well either].

And that was that. I was adamant about not dating. Anyone. Besides, Jake was just a friend.

***

The next time I saw Jake was at my doorstep equipped with a Tupperware of soup and a Mountain Dew [how well he knew me]. Jake and his roommate heard through the grapevine [or the mouth of Brandy] that I was sick. So, they automatically assumed a bowl of soup would fix my problems.

A year later I finally got up the nerve to admit to him that the soup was the last thing that would fix my problems. You see, at this time I was dealing with the woes of Thyroid Disease. One of the lovely side effects I dealt with daily was … uhum … an issue that would not want me to eat anything, let alone a bowl of soup.

But it’s the thought that counts, right? Right.

***

Following this, we had one night full of laughter at Jake’s house. I returned their Tupperware filled to the brim with candy and the four of us spent the night laughing, joking, and eating chocolates in their hot tub. Miss Brandy supplied us all with some comic relief when she ran face first into the screen door she thought was open. Hilarious.

***

And that was that.

Jake says he sort of stopped trying because I insisted, “Kate Doesn’t Date”. And I got caught up with work and school among other things.

For about the next month or so, we didn’t see each other. Jake started to crush on a new girl and I picked up my own little...friend of sorts. [Not boyfriend. But friend. Uh, kissing friend maybe. Don’t judge.]

And it probably would have ended there if it weren’t for Brandy’s strongly opinionated [in a good way] fiancé.

Goodness, we owe those two our lives.

Why all the flashbacks? Find out here!

Flashback: it's {all about him} and the first time we met...

Sometimes I lived vicariously through the life of my best friend Brandy. My job was fun, but I only worked with one or two people a night. Brandy, she worked with over 20. I was always jealous of the social factor involved with her job. So, every night after work, we’d climb into one of our beds and gossip. Gossip about our work, our coworkers, and anything else worth gossiping about.

After a while, I got to know her co-workers. Some personally, and some through the stories Brandy would tell. Jacob was a name I would hear often, although I had never met him.  

You see, apparently he was our home teacher. But he never came. Evidently he thought talking to Brandy at work would count. [Okay, so maybe he tried to come over but we were never available at the same time. He will be quite upset at me if I leave that little detail out. Future kids, your daddy was a great home teacher. Very persistent.]

But each night Jacob would ask Brandy how her roommate Kate was doing. The guy had never met me but still cared to ask about me. Maybe he felt it was his church “obligation” or maybe he was genuinely concerned for our welfare. Either way, what a guy.

Over time, Brandy and Jake got to be close friends. After several “we will catch you laters” she and I finally had a night where we could “hang out” with Jake and his roommate.  Ice Age 3D was our agenda. 

We had a great time. We laughed. We joked. We even stole. [Okay. So I stole. We needed an extra pair of 3D glasses for Jake’s friend who we may or may not have snuck into the theatre. Hey, it was their fault they left the box of recycled glasses unattended. Anyone could have reached in and taken a pair. I just happened to be that “anyone”. Don’t judge. Future kids, your dad made me do it. End of story.]

After the movie, we invited the guys over to our new apartment for games. Jake charmed me with a deck of cards. I was amazed. I think I made him show me the tricks about 20 times, begging him to reveal his secrets. [Ask him to show you his magic tricks sometime. They will charm you too.]

And then we ended the night. As friends.

If you would have asked me then, I would have said it would all end like that. Just friends.

Who would have thought that just shy of two years after this night we would be married? 

Turns out, Jake.

He claims this is the night he decided I was "the one".

When did I decide, you ask? Uhm, later. Much much later.

Why all the flashbacks? Find out here!

it's {all about him} time...

Guys, I have been in a “blogger rut” lately. My creativity [and my spare time] has been spent on homework assignments, quizzes, and papers. But to tell you the truth, I have missed my poor little blog.

And to honor the fact that I have nothing worth mentioning going on in my life right now between school and work, I have decided to cater my time to sketch out a few “flashbacks”.

I have the cutest journals from when I was little. [My favorite entry? I hate Kim. She is mean. Followed the next day by Kim is so cool!  Remember that, Kimmy?] And the cheesiest journals from Junior High. And college, oh how fun they are to read.

But then I started to date Jake. And I just stopped my journaling. Don’t know why. [Maybe I was too busy loving on Jake to write down memories.]

But what a bummer, right?

My future kids will know everything about my “weekly boyfriends” in Jr. High but they will know nothing of their own daddy? Again, what a bummer!

So, today I debut the [all about him] flashbacks. I know you are screaming with excitement. And suspense. Admit it. So to begin,

Jacob Eugene, son of Terry and Cindy Schwartz, was born on September 27, 1987…

… just kidding. The flashbacks wont flash quite that far back. Promise.

But they are going to be long. And hopefully detailed. Mainly because I don’t want to forget. 

So here is the disclaimer. Ready?

I am writing this series for me. And my future kiddos [very future, mind you]. If you think I am being cheesy, quit reading. It's my blog. If you think I am putting my husband up on a pedestal, quit reading. It's my blog. If you get bored over the dating techniques of Jacob Eugene, quit reading. It wont hurt my feelings. Besides, it's my blog. Okay? Okay.

Stay tuned for the fun…