To Maycie, Love Us...

When we got home from the hospital, we were surprised with sweet messages from our nieces and nephews to their cousin [and niece...can't forget Auntie Marie] Maycie. Each message was attached to a white balloon and each one made me cry. Kids say the most comforting things without even trying...

//

//

Me love you baby Maycie a very lot. 

- Jace [age 4]

I love you and Maycie. I think she has the cutest name. 

- Olivia [age 6]

I asked Zayne what he would tell little Maycie and he said "nuffing". But then he sparked up when I told him Maycie is with Jesus, and he said he would ask her for a toy. 

-Zayne [with help from his mommy] [age 3]

I love you! 

-Luke [age 2]

I want you to know how much I love you. I am thankful that families are forever. 

-Madelyn [age 9]

I love you! I can't wait until the three little girls [Marlee, Chloe, and Maycie] are reunited once again. 

-Chloe [age 1]

I love you, Maycie. I think you would be cute if I could see you. I wish I could see you. Do you like it up in heaven? Is it pretty there? I bet you look so pretty in Heaven. 

-Brynlee [age 6]

I love you. I wish you could be with me. You are the best Christmas present I didn't get to keep. 

-Aunt Marie [age 10]

I want to give you my crocheted hat and make you a craft. If I could talk to you I would tell you that I love you, and you are so cute. 

-Brooke [age 6]

Maycie, I can't wait to see you again. 

-Marlee [age 6 months]

731 Days Ago...

2 years

731 days

104 weeks

17,544 hours

1,052,640 minutes 

63,158,400 seconds

...and counting. 

Jacob Eugene, I love you. Happy 63,158,400 seconds. Here's to a million trillion more!

[two years ago today]

[today]

//

To celebrate we:
Slept in. Glorious.
Ate lunch at Costco. You know, sample style. [Don't worry...we bought groceries too.]
Had $1 churros for dessert. Big spenders!
Paid some of our never-ending hospital bills. Quite exciting if you ask me!
Lounged around on our comfy couch.
Ate dinner at Chili's. We have a love/hate relationship. We always crave it. It always makes us sick. You'd think we would learn.

And now we are about to snuggle up with our cups of sparkling cider and watch a movie.

Yep. We are that crazy. Be jealous.

To my Sweet Baby Maycie...

To my sweet baby Maycie:

Today Daddy and I had to say goodbye to you for the very last time. Your daddy carried your casket all by himself. You are so tiny. It was hard for me to see just how small your casket was. I just couldn't stop picturing your tiny, tiny body [3 lbs 3 oz, 16in long] resting in such a tiny, tiny casket. You wore a pretty white dress. It was the smallest one Grandma Schwartz could find for you, but it still had to be pinned back to fit. And it just happened to be the same dress most of your Branch cousins wore when they were blessed. So special.

Maycie, I miss you. I miss feeling you kick. I miss feeling you have the hiccups. I miss feeling you jab my ribs [even though I cussed you for doing this].

But even more? I miss holding you in my arms. Because your body had so many "ouchies", we only got to hold you for a short time before you passed. But those few hours meant the world to me. Your skin was so soft and the perfect shade of pink. You had the most chubby little hands. Your fingers were my favorite. Short and stubby. So, so adorable. You couldn't even wrap your fingers completely around one of mine. Your cheeks were just the right amount of chubby [you got those from me, you know. Except yours were much, much cuter]. I could kiss them forever. And your hair...where did you get that from? You had so much dark brown hair that the nurses were able to put a perfect little curl on the top of your head. They gave you a pretty white headband too. It fits on my wrist. I just can't get over how small you are.

You may be small, but you made such a huge impact on your daddy and I. I don't think either of us realized just how much love we would have for you. Not only that, but you made us realize just how much we love each other. You are so lucky to have your daddy. He is so patient. So loving. I don't think I could make it through losing you without him wiping away my tears.

I will never forget the glow you had when I first saw you. Your spirit was so strong. I can't even imagine what a strong daughter of God you must be to have chosen to come to earth for such a short amount of time, knowing you would be in terrible pain the entire time you were here. Your Heavenly Father must be so proud of you. I know your daddy and I couldn't be prouder.

Thank you for letting us be your parents. Thank you for showing us a new level of love. Thank you for making me realize just how lucky we are to have the gospel in our lives. I don't know if I could handle losing you if I didn't know I would see you again. I cannot wait for that day.

Until then, be a good girl. Give your cousin Macsen a kiss for us. Take care of your siblings. Watch over your grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins; they love you so much. Learn as much as you can so you can teach me when I finally get to hold you in my arms again.

I love you Maycie Laine. I cannot wait for the day when I can kiss your chubby cheeks and hold your tiny, tiny hand again.

Sweet dreams Maycie girl.

Love,
Momma

And The Results Are In...

NO BABY THIS WEEK! 

[whew]

Maycie's numbers look good today! We will now just take it one week at a time.

Next Appointments: December 11th and December 18th

Bulleted Appointment...

My mind is jumbled. So. Much. Information. 

Bullet points seem to be the only logical way to un-jumble the jumble. Bear with me. 

• Maycie's official birthday is scheduled for January 3rd, 2013. 1-3-13. Fun, right? This would put us at about 38 weeks. But [I am so sick of "buts"] the chances of our stubborn little girl staying in her cozy [albiet stretched to the max] home until this date are slim. 

• Basically Miss M is not receiving the nutrients she needs from the umbilical cord. This is probably due to the fact that the cord does not enter the abdomen like it should. It is attached to the sac that surrounds M's "O". [If you haven't guessed, this means M will not have a belly button. Her belly button will be cosmetically made after her closure surgery.] Medically speaking, her numbers should be below a 3. M is at 3.8. 4 is...well, scary. Now don't ask me what this number is measuring because I honestly don't remember. You try having all sorts of numbers and medical terms thrown at you in a matter of 30 minutes. It's slightly overwhelming. And terrifying.

• M also has fluid in the chambers of her itty bitty brain. Basically, this fluid is not properly draining through the tubes in her brain into her spine. This excess fluid could mean several different scenarios for little Miss M. She could possibly need an additional surgery to place a shunt to drain fluid after her birth. But it could also be nothing. We are praying for the nothing and ignoring the other possibilities as of now. 

• We have a follow-up appointment on Tuesday with Dr. Draper. If the fluid in her brain is still at the level it is and her umbilical cord is still failing her needs, there is a possibility we could have a baby...next week. The threat of delivering her at 34 weeks is smaller than the threat of leaving her in my belly if she continues to be in distress. BUT we want her little lungs to develop as much as possible so taking her that early is our last resort. 

• Baby M is breech. Little stink. But to be honest, we don't care. We are having a c-section anyway. 

• My favorite part? Maycie apparently has a TON of hair. Let's just hope she isn't a redhead like her Mama. Poor girl already has enough problems. Kidding, kidding. Sorta. 

Right now we are just hoping Maycie will stick it out until at least Jake is done with finals. But we are trying to prepare ourselves for the unexpected. 

Next Appointments: December 4th and December 11th - if we make it until then! 

Things that make me happy...

Happy Maker #1 // Jake and I tried to take a family picture the other day. They turned out...just as they usually do. 

Attempt Numero Uno:

 Well, at least I caught Maycie in the shot. 

 Attempt Numero Dos:

 Looking good Jake. But it seems you forgot your wifey..?

Attempt Numero Tres:

 Hey, gimme a break. I'm pregnant and slow. 

So I gave up. It obviously wasn't our day to get a picture together. 

Then I decided to do a belly shot. And what do you know, Jake made my coveted family picture happen. This one is totally getting framed. 

 Happy Maker #2 // Hey, look what I finally got today! About time...

Happy Maker #3 // We painted little baby girl's room this week. Stay tuned for the finished product. 

Happy Maker #4 // Sometimes it's hard to stay positive every minute of every day. Especially because as of late, I have had hours upon hours of down time to sit and wallow in self pity. The other day I succumbed to such self pity. That is, until I got the mail. Miss Keely, you made my day my week my month. I can't begin to tell you how much this meant to me. 

Happy Maker #5 // Tomorrow morning we will learn little Maycie's birthday! Can't wait...

Until then...

"Maycie's Day Parade" of Doctors // The Timeline...

Prepare for an overload of information and medical terms. Longest. Post. Ever. You've been warned. 

*While researching, I have been frustrated with the lack of information available to me. Then I found the blogs of fellow "O" [omphalocele] mothers. They have been such a comfort to me. I hope my blog may be a comfort to another mother facing such frustrations. Because of this, I am going to try to be very detailed when I talk about Maycie's medical conditions. I apologize if the details become graphic. Please bear with me and feel free to skim if you aren't interested in the medical trials we are facing. I wont be offended. Promise. 

6:30am // Jake and I pulled ourselves out of bed after about three hours of sleep. We aren't the best sleepers when stress and anticipation join us between the sheets.

7:00am // We hit the road with chocolate milk for Jake and doughnuts for me. Perfect hearty meal for a long day, right? I mostly slept [restlessly] while Jake did the driving. I think Jake secretly likes when I sleep on road trips because that means he can listen to the radio. I have this weird aversion to music in the car...don't ask.

9:40am // We arrived at the University of Utah hospital and gave ourselves a lovely driving tour while grumbling over where the heck we were suppose to park. Hospitals are confusing. After about 15 minutes, we finally found a spot.

10:15am // We made our way to the Maternal Fetal Diagnostic Center at the UUMC for our first appointment for the day - an ultrasound to check on little baby girl. It has been quite the experience for us to see how much she grows in between each appointment. If I am counting correctly, I believe this was our 7th ultrasound. And Maycie hated it just as much at the rest of them. We didn't get to see her face because her legs were in the way.  She kept tapping her forehead with her big toe. She sure made us laugh. And her little hands were right behind her tiny baby bum waving away. [This was great to see because most infants with severe chromosomal issues that involve mental abnormalities keep their hands clenched in fists. Maycie has always been a waver.] She is growing strong but we cannot get an accurate measurement on her because of her omphalocele. Most babies are measured by the size of their abdomen. The size of Maycie's abdomen is not accurate because her little organs are in the wrong spot.

11:30am // We rushed [seriously...we basically had to run to make it on time] over to Primary Children's for our next appointment at the pediatric surgeons office. This appointment was somewhat...frustrating. We were hoping to meet with the exact surgeon who would work with Maycie and hear his exact analysis of her "O". This didn't happen. Instead, we met one of the seven surgeons who might be on call when M will need surgery. We were slightly bummed. We were even more bummed when he didn't even look at the ultrasound pictures. Instead, he talked about different scenarios we might encounter. Don't get me wrong, he was a very nice guy and I kind of hope he will be the one to be M's surgeon. But with all of the research I have done, I was already familiar with most of the information he gave us. Although we did learn that PCMC does not like the "paint and wait" technique of fixing O's. This is where Maycie would come home  after only a few weeks in the hospital without having surgery. I would then rub several different medications on her O to make skin grow on top of it. She would then have a closure surgery around one year of age. This is the most common procedure to fix giant O's because it is usually very safe. But the surgeons at PCMC prefer to do a "silo bag" approach. Basically, they will take M into the operating room when she is about a day old. They will surgically attach a "silo bag" to her O. Every day they will twist the top of the bag down [picture a tube of toothpaste] to push M's little organs inside her abdomen cavity. Then, when most of the organs are back where they belong, they will do the closure surgery. PCMC prefers this approach because the abdomen can grow to the size it should be while M is growing. With the paint and wait approach, although less invasive, the abdomen does not reach the size it needs to be for the closure surgery and the organs are kind of "stuffed" back in. This causes the internal anatomy of O babies to be compromised. [Imagine if Maycie would have to have her appendix removed when she is a teenager. If she did paint and wait, her appendix could be in an entirely different area than is should be because it was "stuffed" into too small of an abdomen.]

Jake asked about a timeline for coming home and the surgeon stated most O babies without other complications [keep in mind Maycie has several] stay at the hospital for at least two months. We are expecting M will be at the hospital for much longer than that [but praying for a shorter stay].

12:50pm // Our PS appointment ran very long. We had ten minutes to get to our next appointment, which meant we jumped in the shortest line in the cafeteria at UUMC [stale, bland pizza. Yummy. No wonder the line was short.] and ate without chewing.

1:00pm // We got cozy in a dark room while Maycie had an echocardiogram on her itty bitty heart. You better believe Jake and I both dozed off. The procedure took about an hour. Basically it is just another ultrasound but the tech only looks at the heart. She took about a million pictures while J and I napped. We then met with the cardiologist and received the first good news we have heard since M's diagnosis. She has a healthy heart with no apparent defects. Best. News. Ever. Now the echo cannot detect small holes or minuscule defects, but the cardiologist was pretty confident M's heart will be just fine. Whew. Like I have mentioned, O babies have heart abnormalities most of the time. So we are overjoyed with the news that M doesn't have to add this to her long list of "ouchies".

3:00pm // We met with the Craniofacial nurse for PCMC who specializes in cleft lips and palates. Again, she didn't look at M's ultrasound pictures (bummer) so we are not certain of the exact procedures that will happen. We know for sure M has a bilateral cleft lip [occurs on both sides of her mouth] but we do not know if it involves her nose [a complete bilateral cleft] or just the lip [an incomplete bilateral cleft].  We also don't know what is involved in the cleft palate. It could be just the soft palate [the back part of the roof of your mouth which is soft tissue], or just the hard palate [the front part of the roof of your mouth which is harder tissue], or both.

Either way, her lip will not be fixed until she is about 3 months old. We imagine we will still be at the hospital anyway. The palate will be fixed around her first birthday. And there will be several follow up surgeries throughout her childhood and teen years. Depending on the severity, M could have around 7-10 corrective surgeries on her clefts. Yikes.

4:00pm // Dr. Draper actually had to cancel our 4 o'clock appointment. We rescheduled for the end of this month. At that appointment, we will schedule Maycie's birthday! Dr. D did call us on our way home to chat for a minute. He is planning to schedule a c-section around two weeks before M's due date. It is not safe to deliver a baby with a giant O vaginally. Because of this, he does not want me to go into labor on my own. He also wants me to be in SLC at least 10 days before the scheduled delivery date to avoid me going into labor 2.5 hours away from the hospital.

4:30pm // We hit the freeway. Homeward bound!

Next appointments -- November 12th and 27th. 

Tiny Update...

Good News: Glucose test accomplished! And I didn't even gag. To be honest, it wasn't what I was expecting at all. I chugged that sugar like a pro.

Bad News: The results of our micro-array test are in. Well, I guess you could say they are results. Apparently my amniocentesis cells died before they had a chance to finish the testing. This basically means we will have to wait until little Maycie is born to test the abnormality on her chromosome three. This is frustrating on many levels - especially because we still have to pay for the stupid [expensive] test even though it wasn't completed. It also stinks because we [as in her doctors] really wanted to have a clear idea of what medical issues they will need to deal with immediately once the little stinker is born. Now there is a big cloud of "unknown" hanging over us. Well, an even bigger cloud than there already was.

Until tomorrow... [is it sad that I want to go to sleep right now so it will be here sooner?]

Calendar of Events...

TODAY // we spent the morning in bed while Jake sang hymns to my belly ... in Spanish. No harm in culturally enhancing our pre-birth baby is there? By the way, baby Maycie loved it. Loved it!

TODAY // I gave Jake his very first haircut. Well, I mean his very first haircut given by me. We hit two milestones actually as this was the very first hair I have ever given. It looks great. Professional even. Well...except for the bald spot. Yep, we could have done without the bald spot. Whoopsies. No harm done though...he already scheduled a follow-up appointment with me in two weeks. I guess he likes bald spots.

TODAY // we took a trip to Idaho Falls to buy Maycie a crib. Don't worry, I was prepared. I checked Target.com to make sure the exact one I wanted was in stock. Too bad Target.com lies. Lies, lies, lies. Moral of story? Maycie still does not have a bed. Or anything else for that matter. Boo.

YESTERDAY // I listed a bunch of my old clothes on Ebay. Only took me about four hours. Geesh. Let the bidding wars begin - and may the odds be ever in your favor. [This movie quote is extremely overused. I apologize for jumping on the bandwagon.]

YESTERDAY // I said adieu to my beloved iPhone. It is now in the hands of a gentleman buyer from Craigslist. I listed the phone, 20 minutes later he emailed, and 30 minutes later we made the exchange. Talk about fast Craigslisting.

THIS WEEK // we turned on our heaters in the house for the first time. Then we wished we would have done it sooner. It is nice not to have to walk around our own home bundled in coats, gloves, and six pairs of socks. Nice, indeed.

THIS WEEK // I visited my old office. Oh how I miss working. Oh how I miss having a social life. Oh how I miss having something besides laundry to keep me busy.

THIS WEEK // I visited Sonic Happy Hour four times. Wait, maybe five. Newest pregnancy craving, you ask? Extra Large Cherry Limeades for a buck. A buck, people!

NEXT WEEK // marks the arrival of the Maycie's Day Parade of doctors. Bring on Tuesday! Six appointments starting at ten and ending at five in SLC. With a 30 minute lunch break. Wowza. Bring on the answers we have been waiting for!

NEXT WEEK // on Monday, I get to experience my first ever Glucose Test. Be excited. 

NEXT WEEK // we are one week closer to the arrival of our cute little girl. One. Week. Closer.

Coping...

Jake and I deal with our feelings quite different from each other. You see, I am a "wallow in self pity" kind of gal. Well, more like "wallow in self pity, then shed a few tears, then paint back on my face, then hit the ground internet running." I am a researcher. It's in my nature as a Literature geek. I choose a topic and then research incessantly until I become a "pro" of sorts. Little baby Maycie is my lastest obsession. Can you blame me? I've joined the groups, I've read the medical cases, and I've asked the questions. It is how I cope.

Jake, on the other hand, copes in an entirely different way. And I have to admit, I am loving his coping mechanism. He's a "stay busy and stay happy" kind of guy - which loosely translates into, "crossing off the honey-do list". Geesh, I love him. Here is a few of Jake's latest "coping" projects.

He's been fixing clogged pipes [did I mention we had to get a new water heater? Geesh, they're expensive]...

He's been climbing tall ladders...

He's been hiding all the awful green...

He's been de-rocking [and de-treeing...thanks goes out to Dad, Alan, and Spencer for the help] our lovely front yard...

Needless to say, our new house is really reaping the benefits of the whole "stay busy" aspect of Jake's coping. Thanks to it, we have a new front door, new shutters, painted trim, freshly (as in today) planted grass, trimmed trees, new electrical outlets, new basement sink...I think you get the idea. 

But the before and after pictures will have to wait - I have some brownies in the oven that are really calling my name. Oh, did I forget to mention my other coping mechanism is indulging in my lastest pinned recipe on Pinterest? Don't judge. I am eating for two, you know. 

[27 weeks. Yep, even more awkward mirror pictures.]

P.S. 11 days and counting until our big appointment in SLC. We are getting impatient. 

Oopsies...

Ever accidentally drop a measuring cup full of flour into a powered on KitchenAid mixer?
No? Take my advice...don't try it.

Hey, at least the bread still turned out. 

The O.C.D Pedi...

What happens when you combine a pregnant wife and an O.C.D husband?

Perfectly painted pink toenails. And I mean perfect. 

[He even pulled out a few q-tips to clean up excess polish...something I NEVER do.]

I mean, how could they not be perfect with this level of concentration?

That's true love, I tell you. True love indeed. 

Maycie, "The Superstar"...

Can I just tell you what a silly little girl Jake and I are growing? Goodness...she not only makes us laugh, but she has our doctors and our ultrasound tech laughing too. She is a feisty little thing, that's for sure. Today she had both of her hands placed strategically on her face, fingers-spread, and refused to move them. Little stink. She was even kicking so hard during the ultrasound, my whole stomach would jump. She made it very clear today [and every other appointment] how much she really truly does not like to be disturbed with a camera and spectators every few weeks. 

Today's early appointment didn't quite give us the answers we wanted but it did help us to know we will [hopefully] get them soon. Dr. Draper's office is organizing quite the shindig for us come October 30th. We will spend the entire day in between the University of Utah Medical Center and Primary Children's Medical Center. All in all, I think we have five or six appointments scheduled for the day. I can't help but think one of these appointments ought to give us some pretty good insight into Maycie's possible future.    

We will begin the day with yet another ultrasound at the Maternal Fetal Diagnostic Center at UUMC. We will then meet Maycie's Pediatric Surgeon at PCMC followed by a consult with the Craniofacial clinic. Maycie is also scheduled to receive a fetal echocardiogram to check on her little heart [which, by the way, looks healthy so far! Go Maycie!]. And then we will finish the day with Dr. Draper. Whew. What a day. 

Today Dr. D ordered what is called a "microarray" test on my remaining cells from the amniocentesis. Basically, they will look really closely at Maycie's Chromosome 3 abnormality and see what DNA is involved. Hopefully this will give us more insight into what kind of chromosome issues little Maycie will have. 

Dr. D also informed us Maycie will soon be a little superstar. Apparently a bunch of doctors get together twice a month for a big conference about certain patients at the UUMC. Dr. D asked if little Maycie could be the center of attention at their next conference. This is great because quite a few doctors can get together at once and discuss our little girl. But...it scares me all the same. I can't help but think if Maycie's several conditions were seen together often, she wouldn't need her own conference. I guess I need to consider only the good in the situation; Maycie will have several doctors at once discussing her medical chart. I should call it a blessing instead of a warning sign. 

We have a few other doctors appointments here in Pocatello before October 30th, but I am seriously counting down the days until the big one. Because, basically, I am sick of saying "I don't know" to our family and friends when they ask questions.

It's [his] birthday...

Hey, guess what? My husband is a quarter of a century old today. Geesh. Old man. We celebrated with a nice relaxing day filled with making good use of one of his birthday presents. 

Ah. The Big Bang Theory. Best. Show. Ever. But, okay, I lied. We didn't spend the whole day on our comfy couch laughing at the ridiculous antics of Sheldon. Believe me, we tried. But our new little roommate didn't allow it. Halfway through one of the episodes, a little tiny fury MOUSE ran across our TV room floor. Eek. 

You can guess the rest. Shriek from me. Anger from Jake. Big Bang powered off. Quick trip to Walmart for a few [okay, twelve] traps. Mad rush to set traps. Jake set traps while I stood on kitchen counter. Jake convinced me to return downstairs. Big Bang powered on. And....SNAP. Fury little friend caught in record time. Jake emptied trap AFTER having to put the little guy out of his misery with...a hammer. Happy Birthday Jake. 

See, this is why I love Jake. He hates mice. Maybe even more than me. But goodness, that guy sure knows how to take care of me. And I love him more than words could say because of it. Want to know a few more reasons why I love him? You know, like 25 reasons? Yep, I am going there.

one. He washes the big pots and pans that do not fit in the dishwasher // two. He stops what he is doing to hang pictures on the wall for me // three. He calls me every night before he comes home from work to see if I need anything // four. He snuggles me when I am sick // five. He agreed to paint my toenails because I have a big ol' basketball in the way that makes it quite uncomfortable to bend over // six. He doesn't mind that I have to have the humidifier on at night to sleep even though he hates it // seven. He doesn't get mad when I crawl out of bed four times a night to pee // eight. He always drives when we go on road trips so I can sleep // nine. He loves candy just as much as I do // ten. He [hesitantly] lets me share his drinks [as long as it isn't milk] // eleven. He doesn't yell too bad when I fold his laundry different than he likes it [have you met my O.C.D husband?] // twelve. He randomly brings me home lunch just because // thirteen. He doesn't laugh when I ask him silly math problems [like 7 times 3...yep, it happens] // fourteen. He rearranges furniture for me even when I make him change it a week later // fifteen. He gives me back rubs after only a little begging // sixteen. He is the most patient guy ever // seventeen. He puts up with me badgering him about school // eighteen.  He doesn't get angry when I don't make him dinner // nineteen. He watches chick flicks with me and doesn't complain too much // twenty. He still tells me he thinks I am pretty even though I am a swollen, cranky pregnant woman // twenty-one. He lets me choose where we eat out // twenty-two. He lets me sit in the comfiest spot on the couch // twenty-three. He drags the garbage out early Friday morning so I don't have to // twenty-four. He lets me control the radio in the car [usually meaning no radio on at all] // twenty-five. AND FINALLY...he loves me even when I make up really long, really cheesy reasons why I love him.

***

In other news, little baby Maycie is finally growing. We are crossing our fingers that she is catching up to where she is suppose to be. At our first ultrasound, Maycie was measuring two and a half weeks behind where she should have been. But all of the sudden my belly popped out in epic proportions. I will prove it. 

Can I just tell you how awkward it is taking a belly picture in the mirror with your cell phone? Awkward, I tell you. Do you smile? Do you wave? Thumbs up? Do I look in the mirror? Look down? Gosh...who knows. Thus, the awkwardness. 

Tomorrow we have our second appointment with our specialist, Dr. Draper, first thing in the morning. Really, first thing. 7am sharp. Yuck. But we are anxiously awaiting a fifth view of our sweet baby girl.

And not to mention I have another long list of questions just waiting to be answered. Last week we learned that Jake and I both have a normal set of chromosomes. This means little Maycie definitely has some sort of abnormality in her DNA. What that abnormality might be is still up in the air. Our regular doctor, Dr. Cox, suggested waiting until Maycie is born to do any further genetic testing to see what her abnormality might be. We are anxious to hear if Dr. Draper agrees with this. Unfortunately, this would mean we would head into the delivery room with a lot more unknowns than we want.  

It's not so fun going day to day without answers. But we are dealing. We hope to have a few answers given to us tomorrow. Cross your fingers for us. 

Quick Update...

Yesterday I received a call from the receptionist at our doctor's office stating that Dr. Cox wanted to see Jake and I right away. Needless to say, I panicked. It didn't help that Jake was in class and completely unreachable. After about an hour, I was finally able to get through to him. I left work in a hurry and headed to the hospital, full of dread. I kept thinking that if it was good news they could have told me over the phone.

Well, it wasn't good news. But it wasn't exactly bad news either. Our doctor explained that Maycie has an "unusual pericentromeric region on one of her chromosome 3 homologue." Uh, okay... thanks doc!

You better believe I came home to look at a stinkin' picture of a chromosome!

See the circle in the middle called the centromere? Well, on one of Maycie's 46 chromosomes her "little circle" is abnormal.

Dr. Cox sent us straight away to another part of the hospital where Jake and I both gave blood for genetic testing. If either of our tests come back with this same abnormal "circle", Maycie has a high chance of not having any chromosome issues. If our tests come back without this abnormality in either of our DNA, then Maycie will have a chromosome abnormality. What that abnormality might be is completely and totally up in the air at this point. If this is the case, we will do more testing...

Guess what that means? We just entered the second stage of the all too familier "waiting game". Yay us.

Little Baby Maycie...

This post was a hard one for me to write. Avoidance is much easier than confrontation. Our little girl is always on my mind. Our little Maycie. But sometimes it is much easier just to pretend she has a healthy little body than deal with the truth of her complications.

Our appointment on Friday did not bring the good news we were hoping for. Unfortunately, our amniocentesis results were not in so we did not get to learn the chromosomal issues Maycie may have. They think the results will be in by Tuesday but we may have to wait until our next appointment [Sept. 11th] to learn the results. But even without the results, we were anxious to meet our new doctor and have our million questions [really... I had two full typed pages] finally answered.

Dr. Draper is amazing. We are so grateful to have him as our doctor. He answered almost every question on my list before I even had a chance to ask them. It is very comforting to have someone who believes the same things we do and who holds the priesthood assist us in bringing our little girl here safely. And we were relieved to learn he travels to Pocatello twice a month to see his patients in this area. This means Jake and I will have less traveling time during the pregnancy which is a huge blessing to us. We will meet with him when he is in town for regular ultrasounds to check Maycie's growth. We will also meet with our original doctor, Dr. Cox, for regular pregnancy issues every month. We will only travel to Salt Lake to meet with Maycie's cardiologist [heart issues are very likely], her plastic surgeon, and her pediatric surgeon. Goodness, she isn't even born yet and already has a huge team on her side!

Dr. Draper is definitely a straight shooter [which is a blessing and a curse]. He began by explaining the possible outcomes that may occur throughout our pregnancy, especially if Maycie has any chromosomal issues. This was hard for Jake and I to hear. After a few minutes of daunting news, I finally asked him to discuss what we knew for sure rather than the possibilities. He was so sweet and agreed to only discuss these possibilities if I asked him specifically. I know these topics have a high chance of being in our future, but sometimes you can only handle so much at a time.

Even without the amnio results, there are a few facts we know for sure.  Maycie has a cleft lip as well as a cleft palate. This is a very common birth defect and can be fixed with great results. But it means even more surgeries for our little girl. Her cleft lip is very severe and occurs on both sides of her upper lip. Dr. Draper did mention the middle part of her top lip is full [a gift straight from her daddy] and he thinks this will help in producing minimal scarring. Usually cleft palates are not diagnosed so early in pregnancy, but Maycie finally gave us a front shot of her face and Dr. Draper said he was able to see clearly that it was present. The surgeries to fix these problems will not occur until Maycie is several months old [meaning even more hospital time for our little girl].

He also informed us her omphalocele is much bigger than we were originally lead to believe. They actually call it a "giant omphalocole". Not only are her intestines outside of her abdomen, her stomach, liver, and other internal organs are in the omphalocele as well. This was hard to hear. It is much more serious than if it were just her intestines as we originally thought. Basically this means more surgery, more hospital time, and a higher risk of complications during delivery. There are several other factors that contribute to her omphalocele's "scariness" but we are trying to stay positive and not dwell on them.

Right now we are working on staying optimistic. It is frustrating not to have every piece of the puzzle filled in. But we are trying to count our blessings. For one, we get to see our sweet little girl almost every two weeks. Not many pregnant mothers get to say that. And goodness, she shows off a little more each time. We love it. We also have a huge support team behind us. Sometimes I wonder how people make it through trials without family. Jake and I both are pretty dang blessed with good ones! Another blessing is our new doctor. He concluded our first meeting by reminding us that families are forever [which is a huge blessing itself]. I can already tell he cares for us and will do whatever he can to make sure we get to hold our little Maycie.

Again, we appreciate your thoughtful comments and prayers on our behalf. You have no idea how much your prayers have touched our lives. Please know your phone calls and texts also mean the world to me. I apologize if I do not get back to each of you. Sometimes it is just easier to write down [thanks to the blog] rather than speak about Maycie's issues out loud. But please know your words are not lost on us.

Thankful...

Little things like this make our "waiting game" a tad more bearable.

(Brookie is our five year old niece.)

Again, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. We are forever grateful.

The Waiting Game...

First off, I want to thank each and every one of you for your kind words of encouragement and sweet, sweet prayers for our little girl. They mean the world to us. And believe you me, we have felt your love and support.

The last two days have brought with them a whirlwind of emotions. When dealing with the unknown, it is hard not to let your mind wander. We think the worst, but hope for the best. We are now praying the next 7 days go by quickly. We have at least a million questions for our new doctor and we are (im)patiently waiting to meet him.

Today we went for our amniocentesis. It was nerve-wracking to say the least. But we were able to see our sweet little baby girl again. It's funny how one glimpse of her can immediately push away our fears.

She was a little goof again today. I didn't feel her move all morning long. But as soon as our tech applied pressure for the ultrasound, she was kicking and waving her little arms around like crazy. She hates that stupid thing.

She was moving so much, I got a little worried she would move right into the needle. But, my goodness, as soon as the needle entered her little home, she went perfectly still. She didn't even move an inch. It's so fun [and therapeutic] to see her little spirit and personality already so strong.

Our doctor asked if we had any questions and I had to laugh. Nope Doc, can't think of anything! The biggest question on my mind dealt with her omphalocele. After hours and hours of research, we have found there are several levels of severity with this condition. Sometimes the little baby's entire insides can grow on the outside [like the liver, spleen, intestines, etc]. This is the one thing we were praying against. Our prayers were answered today when our doctor said he was pretty positive the only organ outside of baby girl's belly is her intestines. The recovery is still long and hard, but it requires less surgery. We were also worried about her little heart. Apparently, babies with her condition have severe heart problems. We don't know 100% on this, but her little heart seems to be healthy at this point.  This is great news and it was exactly what we needed to hear today.

After hearing this, Jake and I both felt a new level of peace in our situation. We even took a moment to sit and feel baby girl kick. She makes us laugh, which is exactly what we need.

We still don't have answers on her cleft lip, or the chromosomal issues that may be present. But we are taking one day at a time. Well, we are trying at least.

We know the calmness we have felt today is an answer to the fasting and praying you all have done for us. We greatly appreciate each and every one of you.

We are probably in for more than we know, but today we are calm. Today we are happy. And today we are finally taking a moment to enjoy the news that we have a little girl in our future.

The Unknown...

I didn't want to be a mother just yet. I thought we had years to prepare. Even with the news of our pregnancy, I was still hesitant. But do you know what can change a hesitant mind? One look at our beautiful baby. She was putting on quite a show too. Yep, you read that right. She. Her. Our little girl. She hated the pressure of the ultrasound and let us know it at once. Goodness, she was kicking her long little legs like never before. And when the tech wanted to see her spine, she twisted and curled so it was impossible. Then we moved to her tiny face. She tucked her little chin down so it was near impossible to see her profile. She was irritated at us for spying on her. She even took both her little feet and gave us a big "horse hind legs" kick, as if to say "leave me the heck alone". She made me laugh. And cry. She's stubborn, just like her Mama. She finished the ultrasound by giving us a cute five-fingered wave. Melted her Mama's heart.

Walking out of the ultrasound, I felt so excited. I wanted a little girl. I hoped for a little girl. I even secretly prayed for a little girl. So I felt so guilty when a little wave of dread came over me. Jake and I sat down and I asked if he noticed something "goofy looking" on her little tiny belly. We both brushed it off thinking it was nothing. Then we waited for our doctor for at least 45 minutes. My dread grew with every minute. And then I felt guilty. Guilty I wasn't feeling as giddy as I thought I should. Guilty that I let my mind wander to the worst case scenarios. 

So when our doctor uttered the words signifying our little girl had a few complications, I wasn't shocked. I knew it was coming. I prayed it wasn't, but prepared myself for the worst. But it still hurt. 

He explained our little girl has what is called an Omphalocele. Basically, her little tiny intestines are growing outside of her belly. This was the small "ball" I was seeing on her belly. Jake says it looks like she is holding a basketball. If only it were that simple...

The poor little thing also looks as if she will have a cleft lip. Because of her stubbornness during the ultrasound, we are not 100% sure on this. But our doctor feels pretty confident. 

And to add on to our shock, more complications are most likely to be present. Chromosomal issues are very likely [her omphalocele is a major sign of this]. Several issues could be present but our doctor mentioned specifically Spina Bifida or Down Syndrome. We just don't know. We have an amniocentesis scheduled for Friday. This will give us a clear idea of the chromosomal issues we may be dealing with.

Either way, our sweet little girl is in for a tough beginning. 

We will no longer meet with our doctor who has been so good to us. Instead, we will go to a specialist at the University of Utah who deals specifically with high risk pregnancies like ours. Our first meeting with him will be on the 31st. He will do another ultrasound to get a better look at what we are dealing with and we hope to have the results of our amniocentesis at this point to give us details on her chromosomal issues. 

She will also be delivered at the Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake so they can immediately begin the long fight to fix her omphalocele. And deal with the other issues she may have. 

We are shocked. We are hurt. And we are scared. The worst is dealing with the unknown.

Our little girl has been mobile all day long, which is unlike her. She is constantly kicking me. It's as if she is giving me a little nudge to remind us she is still there. In her own way, she is already comforting us as we deal with our shock and greif. 

At this point we are fasting and praying that her only issue will be her omphalocele. There is a small glimmer of hope that this is the case. It's small; but it's hope. 

We have asked our families to join us in a fast tomorrow. We are fasting for good news on our amniocentesis. We are fasting for our pregnancy to continue with no further complications arising. And we are fasting that Jake and I can have the strength, courage, and faith to raise our sweet special baby if it be the Lord's will.

Please join us in our fast if you are able. If not, please keep our sweet little girl in your prayers. We would greatly appreciate your love and support as we head into the unknown. 

Our New Home a.k.a The U-Haul...

Guess what we did last weekend? C'mon, just guess. Need a hint?

Notice the size of that thing? Apparently they did not have the size we ordered available so they upgraded us to ... humungo [what? that is so a word.]

Jake and I decided we would just forgo our new home and live in the U-haul instead. It was definitely big enough. 

We are now busy unpacking, redecorating, and updating. And trying our darndest to make our lovely front yard resemble grass. We have given up hope on the backyard for now. 

A special shout out goes to Spencer, Brynlee, Jace and Jake's best buddy Ben for assisting in the move. Thanks bunches!

***

In other news, Little Baby S is making its Mama sick again. Silly little thing. I can't complain too much because I have had a pretty easy pregnancy for the most part. But the timing for the sickness/exhaustion to kick back in is not the best. 

And how come no one mentioned how pregnancy really does a number on your hair? Gosh... it got pretty disgustingly dry there for a while. So...I chopped it. Really I did! I took 7 inches off today. 7 whole inches. Jake says he didn't even notice the change. We may need to look into getting his eyes checked. Did I mention 7 inches?

Baby S loves fruit -- bananas and strawberries in particular. Especially dipped in Nutella. MMM...Nutella.  And Popsicles. Oh goodness, she/he loves them some popsicles. But hamburger? Gag. Steak? Gag. Pretty much any meat in particular? Gag. 

After a lovely day of making me sick, Baby S decided to showcase its new talent of kicking two days ago; well, more like doing gymnastics. It kinda feels like the little thing is twirling and doing somersaults in my belly. I guess there really is something growing inside of me! 

We will find out if it is a Jake Jr. or a Kate Jr. [these are so the official names] in a week and a half. My mother's intuition is kicking in and I am pretty positive we have a Jake Jr. in our future. 

Our new home still does not have internet [or kitchen appliances for that matter], so I will update again when I can hijack internet from work. Shh...

Until then...

a little reunion fun...

stone reservoir / flashbacks of getting lost with Brandy years ago / three days away from the job and the cupboards / sleeping in the 100 degree camper / early morning walks to see the water / dead fish freaking out the little sister swimmer / braceface marie / sunburns / naps / riding the razor / scalding heat / visiting with extended family / swollen pregnant feet / ice packs rubbed on swollen pregnant legs by my little buddy zayne / and only five pictures to prove the fun...

Little Baby S...

Oh hey! So...we're pregnant! I am sure you are curious on the details of this [NOT the actual "details". geesh. pervert.] especially because last you heard, I was completely and totally against the idea of kids right now. Well, leave it to the big man upstairs to change your mind. You know, Jake. Just kidding. Bad joke.

Truth is, we weren't planning this. Not even a little. Jake likes to joke that it was 50% planned but in all reality, we were both completely shocked at the news...me a little more than Jake though. Okay, a lot more. Jake was excited from the second he heard the news. And having him excited helps lessen some of my own anxiety over the whole thing. It also didn't hurt that he insisted on making me dinner and washing  the dishes and doing the laundry and letting me nap to my heart's content. I could get used to this whole pregnancy thing. Okay, that's a lie. What I meant to say is I could get used to having Jake take care of my every need. Yah, that's better. 

Basically this pregnancy couldn't have been more perfectly planned if we were planning it ourselves. I found out I was expecting not too long after my last semester of college. Perfect timing, right? Right.

I wont lie, even with the perfect timing, it took me a while to get used to the idea. Well, I am still getting used to the idea. But my anxiety is slowly being replaced with excitement. Slowly. It's hard not to get excited when my husband is so over the moon. Gosh, good thing I have him. Even more, good thing this little baby has him. 

We are 15 weeks pregnant and due in January. And absolutely, positively unprepared for a baby. But hey, that's part of the fun, right? Please say yes...

Join Me On A Tour, Won't You?...

Remember when I mentioned we bought a house? And remember when I said my husband bought me a new camera? Let's combine the two and get a fun little tour brought to you by yours truly!

But first, a little back history. Jake and I have been searching for a house since before we were even married. We knew we would be stuck in Pocatello for some time while Jake finished school. And the thought of throwing away all of our money into rental properties just made us angry. Se we house hunted. Turns out, our price range offered less than perfect options. So we pushed buying a home off for a while.

Then we decided, "What the hay! Let's buy a crappy home in our budget and fix it to our liking". So we did. 

The home we settled on was a foreclosure which basically means the last owners left us with a fun little mess of a house. Our home has a lot of potential but it will take us a while before it gains my complete stamp of approval. But I am so excited to finally have a "home" with my cute husband and we have so much fun making decisions on how we want to fix it up. 

Okay. Enough rambling. Picture time. And I really mean "overload of picture" time. 

Here is the front of the house in all its glory. [yep, you better believe I am going to include useless captions after every picture]. Soon this beauty will have a new garage door and a new paint job that will resemble this [green just isn't my color]....

via 

Opinions?

Oh, you noticed the absence of grass? Yah, me too.  Because, believe me, the whole "weed lawn" just really isn't cutting it for me. Speaking of cutting, this big tree will soon disappear as well. Funny story by the way. We called for a quote to cut it down. Then decided we would do it ourselves. Well the company we called for the quote took it upon themselves to decide to cut the tree down without permission from us. Luckily Jake was there to save the day. Or unlucky. I would have loved to ask them who gave them permission to cut it down AFTER it was gone and then refuse to pay the bill. So Christian-like of me, I know. 

Speaking of "weed lawn", check out our backyard. Oh. My. Goodness. It's like the owners just decided, "Hey, grass is for losers. Let's forget about watering it! And while we're at it, ignore the trees too! They look better dead!".  Believe it or not, this is ten times better than when we first bought the house less than two weeks ago. Jake and his heaven-sent parents have been working their little hiney's off back here. Our goal is to build a fancy fence around the whole property and plant grass. 

And the past owners were even so kind as to leave a grave for us to use. Watch out Jake. You annoy me, you get buried. 

Here is a lovely panoramic view of the backyard in all its glory. Heavenly.

Welcome to the beautiful kitchen. Well, soon to be beautiful kitchen.

Here it is with the one coat of primer I finished last night. We also got rid of the ugly ceiling fans and will replace pretty much all the lighting in the entire house. We are also getting shiny new stainless steel appliances and we hope to either replace the counter tops or try out this new technique of painting that makes it look like granite. The white on white is not cutting it for me. We are also adding knobs and cup pulls to the cabinet doors.

The sliding glass door goes out to this lovely deck. I am hoping to sand off all of the green [what was the past owner's obsession with green?] and stain it instead. There is also a lower deck that we will stain as well. 

Say "hi" to Jake! 

Welcome to the construction zone. Er, I mean living room. This room will pretty much stay the same [minus the mess] except we are going to replace the ugly baseboard heater with a Cadet instead. I am also going to paint the banister white. And maybe get new curtains. What? You don't like the sheet?

This is Jake and I's bedroom with a freshly painted ceiling [thanks Kimmy!] and a new fan. We will also get rid of the baseboard in here too. 

And this is the baby's room. Besides the freshly painted ceilings [again, thanks Kimmy!] any redecorating will wait until we know if we have a little girl or a little boy growing inside of me. Oh, did I forget to mention we're pregnant? Oops. My bad. Surprise, I guess. More on this later...

Upstairs bathroom. One word. Yuck. This will go through a major renovation. New lighting, new mirror, new vanity [or I might refinish this one...I haven't decided yet]. This is also one of the rooms I want to paint right away. Any suggestions?

This the the split entry front door. We don't love this aspect of the house but hey, we weren't looking for our dream house just yet. Like I said, the banister will be painted along with the missing handrail. We are also replacing the front door. And see that little track lighting there above our stop sign window? It will be replaced with a hanging light of some sort. 

This is the opposite side of the split entry. It kind of looks like it heads into a dungeon but I promise it is just a bad picture. The handrail will also be painted. 

Downstairs bathroom. We replaced both toilets the day we bought the house. I insisted. Something about using the past owner's toilets just freaked me out. You think the bathroom doesn't need much renovations, right?

Wrong. Whoever installed this mirror and lights really needs a lesson on centering. We are replacing everything in this bathroom too. 

This is the downstairs construction site a.k.a the guest bedroom. We had a wonderful leak in this room two days after we bought the house. Luckily we were able to fix the problem but the whole room will need to be repainted. I haven't decided on a color though. Speaking of repainting, all of the ugly brown doors throughout the house will be painted white. 

And last but not least, the downstairs living room. This room had a freshly painted ceiling [one last thank you to Kimmy] and will soon have the new ceiling fan actually attached.

And this concludes our lovely tour for now. I am sure you got way more than you bargained for. Stay in touch for updated pictures. Jake insists the kitchen has to be completely done before we can actually move in so feel free to come on over and paint some cabinets! We will let you know our move in date as well so you can come move us in, kay? Thanks! 

P.S. Do you sorta feel like I left you hanging on the whole baby thing? Great. That was my plan!