Our Visit into the Past...

The tourist girl in me finally got to stretch her legs this weekend! After a long week of twiddling my thumbs in our cute new apartment, Jake and I hit the road to Kirtland, Ohio to do a little sightseeing.

The temple was such an exciting site to bear as we drove into the beautiful historic town. Like most places in our new [temporary] home state, the tiny "corporation" [as they are called in Ohio] was so quaint. It was made even quainter when I began to recognize buildings pictured in the back of the Book of Mormon.

Our first stop was the Visitor's Center operated by the Community of Christ. Inside they have a little museum focused on information from the earliest church settlers in Kirtland. After a quick look around [really..it was quick. I wont lie, the place gave me a weird feeling] we waited for our tour of the temple to begin.

The tour starts with a video projection of information stating how Kirtland became the site of the temple. Once the video was over, the projector was lowered and curtains were opened to display the temple. It was such a breathtaking thing! Honestly, there were audible gasps from others on the tour with us [myself included]. It was so cool to see the temple up so close through the window!

We then were lead into the temple. Our tour guide was quite the guy...I don't even have words to describe him. Well, yes I do. Awkward. He was so awkward. I loved being in the temple and recalling stories I have read about that took place in the exact rooms I was standing in, but...the guy was just weird. Moving on.

We actually had a few gentleman on our tour that are something like the Apostles of the Community of Christ church. The following day was what could be considered our Priesthood session of conference in their church which was held in the temple. It was very interesting to me. I reallllly wanted to ask them a few questions on their beliefs, but I decided to just Wikipedia it when I got home instead. My shyness got the best of me. Dang.

At the time, I couldn't exactly describe to Jake the feelings I had while we were in the temple. It was so beautiful, yet something was lacking. It wasn't until we visited the LDS Visitor's Center and buildings owned by the church that I could pinpoint what was missing.

When we walked through the doors into the LDS Visitor's Center and were greeted by Sister missionaries, I immediately felt the spirit - the exact thing that was lacking in the temple. The temple is sacred ground for sure, but I think it was just being in the presence of people who know and believe the same things I do that really made the difference.

Jake and I got VIP treatment - we were given a tour by two sweet Sister missionaries from Utah all by ourselves. Just the four of us. It was so great. And they were so sweet. You could tell the tour was tailored to nonmember tourists, but I think that made it even better. They asked us a lot of questions about what each room they showed us meant to us and asked for examples of trials in our own lives. It was such a special experience to be in the exact room where the School of the Prophets met and to share with these sweet girls our story of little baby Maycie. It was a moment I don't want to forget.

We were able to see the exact Newel K. Whitney store where Joseph and Emma lived for a time. We walked on the same wood floor they did. We sat and shared in the room where the Word of Wisdom was first put into place. We even saw the exact table Joseph Smith used while writing some of the revelation in the Doctrine and Covenants. Can you say awesome?

We then toured the real Whitney home, and replicas of the Sawmill, Ashery, and Johnson Inn. We also took a stroll through the Kirtland cemetery.

Hey guys. Guess what? The Church is true. Really. And our weekend in Kirtland just boosted my confidence in saying that just a little bit more than I would have before.

Can you imagine how I will feel next weekend after we visit Palmyra, NY? Uh, can't wait!

Until then...

And so it begins...

Hey guess what?

I live in Ohio!

Weird, right?

Super weird. But I am loving it.

Ohio is beautiful. Sometimes it takes my breath away. I keep saying that to people we run into here and they look at me like I am stupid. "But you're from Idaho" they say. "Idaho is the beautiful one". I guess we all take for granted what we have.

There are so many trees here! And guess what? Fall is a REAL season, guys! It's not just a week between the sun and the snow!

But boy am I glad the weather is changing into Fall. Because humidity... well, it sucks! It sucks big time. I walk out to get the mail and have to take a shower when I get back into the apartment. Humidity makes you a sticky, sweaty mess that's for sure! I don't like that part of Ohio in the least. That, and the allergies it brings. Allergies in Ohio are worse than allergies in Idaho. And allergies in Ohio make Jake snore...so you can imagine my disgust in them.

Jake is liking his job here - it will just take him a while to get into the groove of things. He is learning a whole new part of the insurance game, but he is loving the challenge.

And me? Well...I am bored out of my mind. The humidity outside really makes it hard for me to want to leave the apartment. That, and the lack of a car. Luckily, the weather is changing. And my husband gets home from work at 5! Five o'clock people! It is such a nice change to actually spend some daylight with him.

I am keeping myself busy watching re-runs of Downton Abbey and reading about sites to visit during our 6 months on this side of the continent. And waiting patiently for the weekends where we can actually do our touristing.

Speaking of, get ready for some super long and probably super boring entries about our sightseeing. Just deal with it...

[Flying out of Pocatello at the beginning of our journey]

[Jake outside his new office]

[Jake's Grandpa and Grace live 20 minutes from us! So fun to see them the day after we got here]

[There is this super pretty bike and walking trail right in our backyard]

[I never understood what a grove of trees was until we got here. This is right outside our back door]

O hi! (o)

Big things are happening at the Schwartz house. Big things indeed. Shall I make a list? Yep. Let's do it.

..........

Actually on second thought, only one thing really needs to be listed. I could tell you all about my new church calling serving as the 1st counselor in the Young Women's, my awesome dream job opportunity, our to-do list on our home, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But let's just get straight to the point.

We're moving.

Say what?

Yep. We are moving.

To Ohio.

What the crap, right?

Ohio.

Ohio.

Sometimes I have to say it a couple of times to really make myself believe it.

Ohio.

Okay, I'm done.

On Tuesday [as in 6 days ago] Jake accepted yet another promotion at his job. That kid, he sure knows how to move up the corporate ladder. And surprise, the promotion requires a very sudden move to Hudson, Ohio for 6 months.

It's only 6 months - I just have to keep reminding myself of this.

I admit, there were tears. And whines. And downright childish responses to the news. You see, it turns out I was offered the job I have been craving for so long the day after Ohio came into our lives. Timing, right?

Stupid timing.

But through the roller coaster of emotions over the last 6 days, somewhere somehow an emotion I didn't expect came pushing through. Excitement. Teensy tiny bits of pure excitement!

Hudson, Ohio is a sweet little town. It's the perfectly charming historic place I have always wanted to explore. Even better? It is 40 minutes from Kirtland, Ohio. 4.5 hours from Palmyra, New York. And 7 hours from Manhattan. A tourist girl at heart's heaven on earth.

So here we are. Two weeks out from stuffing our entire lives into two suitcases, hopping on a plane, and jumping right into our future in Ohio. Two weeks. Yikes.

So, in honor of recognizing the teensy tiny bits of pure excitement, here's to new adventures. Here's to the unknown. Here's to traveling to places I have only read and dreamt about.

Here's to Ohio.

Cheers.

ABC Dating Continued...

I, Kate Schwartz, officially give myself the honorary title of the "Worst Blogger in the World" 2013 edition. I would like to thank my lack of motivation and complete abundance of writer's block for granting me such an award. Here's to slapping my un-blogger self in the face and giving me the well deserved kick in the pants to start anew in the last quarter of the year. Thank you. And goodnight.     

____________________

Monday, July 22nd, 2013

C is for...Chili's and Camping 

C was the easy date for me. I knew from the very beginning it would be a chance for us to finally take our big camping trip we had been talking about all summer. Except, let's be real, we forgot to take into account our crazy, incompatible work schedules. Silly us. So instead, we took the long trip straight into our backyard [I mean c'mon, it is pretty much a wilderness back there]. We started the evening with a quick dinner trip to Chili's [fitting, I know] and then we set up our cute tent. And when I say we, I most definitely mean Jake. Do you what to know the best part about camping in your backyard? Easy access to power [and plumbing]. We took our cute pink extension cord, my laptop, and a bag of popcorn and watched ourselves a movie. In our tent. Perfect. We made it the entire night until around 6am when a sweet [stupid] adorable [ugly] crow decided to give us a morning caw - about a million times. You can see the crow in question at the tippy top of the tree in the last picture. The little guy made it all the more exciting to crawl into our bed and shut out the awful noise. 

Monday, July 29th, 2013

D is for...Donuts, Driving Range, Drive-thru, and Deleta

 

Yep, this is the only picture I got of us. Great. 

We started the evening off by hitting up the new Donut Shop in Pocatello. My review? So/so. But the nice man did give us a free donut, so I can't complain too much. We then went to the driving range to hit a BUCKET of balls. I rolled my eyes at Jake when he first got the bucket, secretly thinking "My gosh, we are going to be here all night." But guess what? A bucket of balls does not last that long! Why? The driving range is fun guys! Especially when you can spy on the teenyboppers on a date next to you. Teenage boys showing teenage girls how to hit a golf ball? Hilarious. We then went to Deleta - Pocatello's premier Skateland. Too bad they decided to not be open to the public on Monday nights. Stupid Deleta. We ended the night with a quick drive-thru stop at Sonic for our favorite drinks. [We can't go to Sonic without thinking of Sweet Baby M]. My husband, he plans awesome date nights. 

Monday, August 1st, 2013

E is for...El Herradero and Eight Ball

And so we begin with the hard letters. E? E took some planning. And Googling. To be honest, I was worried about this letter. I thought the date would be dull. I mean, how many games of pool can you play? But you know what? This was one of my favorite dates we have done so far. We laughed. We sang to the jukebox. We teased. And it was fun. So fun. Even dinner was fun. I usually hate Mexican food, but this restaurant happened to be so yummy. That is what I love about our ABC dating...it is making us try so many different things we normally wouldn't do.

____________________

ABC Dating...

Hi. My name is Kate and I like to date. My husband, that is. I like to date my husband. So, in honor of liking to date my husband, I decided to play a dating game.  And said husband agreed to play with me. Because we are nerds like that. Or something.

Years and years ago I read a book. Shocker, I know. And this book was a cheesy love story I picked up at the LaGuardia Airport in NYC on my flight back home. It went as most cheesy love stories go, but the premise of it stuck with me. The cheesy love story protagonist went on dates with the other cheesy love story protagonist according the the ABC's. Cheesy.

So, I knocked off the cheesy love story ABC dating game. Because I do weird things like that.

I will explain to you how the game goes, because I am sure you cannot figure it out by yourselves. I started the game with an A date last week. Then Jake had to come up with a B date this week. And C will be mine next week. And then D will be Jake's. Got it? I think you get it.

Each week has to be a surprise. The other "datee" doesn't know what we are doing until Monday arrives. Why Monday? Because Monday is date night. [Wait, what? Monday is date night? What a random day for a date night!] It's true. I agree. Monday is a stupid date night. But Monday happens to be the only night Jake and I have off of work together. So...Monday is date night.

And so, on Monday's, we date. Each other. According to the ABC's. Cheesy.

____________________________________________

Monday, July 1st, 2013.

A is for...Arcade.

Yes, A is for Arcade. It's fine, we are little kids at heart. And c'mon, the place is cool enough to have its own "Out of my way, I'm going to Outer Limits Fun Zone" bumper sticker. That alone makes it date night worthy. We played two rounds of Mini Glow in the Dark Golf and then spent the rest of the night blowing through mounds and mounds of tokens. I pretty much dominated in Mini Bowling while Jake kicked my trash in Air Hockey. And get this - Jake KILLED me in Dance Dance Revolution. My husband, he's got mad dance skills. Who knew. We finished the night with pockets full of tickets to spend on our prizes. Instead of splurging our winnings on the big stuffed snake with the creepy eyes, we saved our tickets for the niece and the nephew. I know, we are too kind. You're welcome, B and J. 

Monday, July 8th, 2013

B is for...BBQ and Baseball

For Jake's B night, he invited a bunch of his high school buddies and their wives/girlfriends/fiances over for a good old fashioned backyard BBQ. Except, let's be real, we have yet to get a backyard worth BBQ'ing in. So we improvised with a good old fashioned living room BBQ. It works. It was a fun night of boys reminiscing about the good ol' days and the girls rolling their eyes about the good ol' days. Fun for all. I felt extremely awkward asking everyone to pose for a picture I could post on the blog about our ABC date night. So instead, I creeped around our kitchen wall and snapped a cell phone pic without anyone noticing. Thus the blurriness.  We finished the night with gossip time for the wives/girlfriends/fiances while the boys threw around the baseball in our less than perfect backyard. Quadruple date night success. 

[And just because I know my phone will ring any minute - Mom, they are drinking Apple Beer. Purely non-alcoholic. Promise.] 

The End.

Sometimes / Then / So...

Sometimes I tell the husband I am no longer a blogger / then he tells me I am stupid / so I am a blogger again.

Sometimes I beg the husband for a dog / then I find out I am allergic / so I have to sell my new snuggle buddy.

Sometimes we plant grass / then it grows / so we buy a new garage door to celebrate.

Sometimes I wait and wait and wait for little Miss Maycie to get her headstone / then we get the family together to celebrate / so M sends down a rainbow to say hello.

Sometimes I turn 24 / then my husband decides to spoil me / so we fly to Vegas for a week.

Sometimes I take a three month break from blogging / then it is way too hard to get back into it / so I am going to play catch up the best I can over the next few weeks.

Stay Tuned!

In Other News...

• My job rocks. End of story. 

• My husband rocks. End of story.

• Except NOT end of story. Because that is how much he rocks. Jacob Eugene is the newest Front Line Lead [a.k.a kind of a big deal] at Allstate. Yep, you are remembering right. This is Jake's second promotion in a matter of 3 months. Respect.

• Too bad Jake's awesome promotion means we are on COMPLETE opposite schedules now. I mean before we had at least one day and one night off together. Now? Only one day. One measly day. I go to work before Jake gets up and I am in bed by the time he gets home. Big, big bummer. At least he FINALLY has Sunday's off. Big, big YIPEE!

• Our front yard has...wait for it...GRASS! Green grass! Oh so pretty, newly grown, ourwaterbillissoexpensivenow bright GREEN GRASS! Who cares if it is a little patchy...at least it's a change from our previously owned "dirt yard".

• It snowed today. All over our oh so pretty newly grown bright green patchy grass. Idaho weather has more mood swings than I do. And that is saying something. 

• Bullet points are probably the best invented blogger tool ever. Ever, I tell you.

• Speaking of green, our backyard has recently sprouted its own green goodness. Bright green, rapidly expanding...weeds. Eh, at least our front yard looks good. 

• Work is sending me to a training in Denver at the end of the month. Even rented me a nice little car to pick up once I get off the plane. How freaked out am I to drive a rented car in Denver, you ask? Slightly freaked out on the borderline of hysterical crying. So...really, no big deal. I grew up in Malta. How different could Denver be?...

• Jake's work is sending him on a training to Chicago a few weeks after I get back from Denver. Too bad we can't go on these little training trips together, right? Right. 

• But don't feel bad for us. The day after Jake gets back from Chicago, we are both jumping on another plane -- together this time. Woohoo. Three cheers for Vegas. Three cheers for a family vacation. Three cheers for a whole 5 days together!

• Maycie Laine's adorable little headstone is promised to be done by Memorial Day. Honestly, I think I might even be a little more excited for it to be done than our trip to Vegas. Can't wait to see her cute little name on her cute little headstone.

• Blog posts are pretty boring without pictures. I will work on that.

• The end. 

Old Man Alert...

My dad...He's a silly guy. 

Seriously. 

Sometimes he thinks he is just hilarious.

But I bet my dad is cooler than your dad.

No questions asked.

One night, in my rebellious youth, I stayed out a little past my curfew. 

C'mon...3am is so not that late!

So I get a call. 

From said "hilarious" daddy.

"What are you doing," he asks.

My answer?

"Just hanging out."

Duh. 

His reply?

"You have 'hung out' long enough. You're dry now!..."

Funny, dad. Funny indeed!

Happy 87th birthday, Pa!

Just kidding...he's only 79. Or something...

We love you old man!

If You Knew Me...

If you really really knew me, you would know...

...I grew up on Ramen Noodles. And Macaroni and Cheese. In fact, when Jake asked my dad if he could marry me, Dad's response was, "I hope you like Ramen!". Truth be told, I still indulge in the noodle goodness at least once a week.

...I have a BIG aversion to music in the car. I just can't stand it. Okay, okay. I admit. I actually blare it when I am in the car alone [don't tell Jake]. But as soon as there is someone with me in the car, the volume goes to zero. Don't ask, really. You don't want to know. 

...hugging makes me extremely uncomfortable. Don't get me wrong, I love to hug my husband. Just love it. But anyone else? Nope. Don't even try. Well, okay...if you try, I will hug you back. But only out of my need to please. Story time! Jake has this friend. And he likes to hug. A lot. It took him about three different hugs to realize I am definitely an awkward hugger. So now every time I see him, he comments on how awkward I am. And then follows up his statement with an "over the top" hug just because he knows it makes me cringe. 

...I am a girl of repetition. I have watched the entire series of "Friends" at least 70 times [really...I kid not. In fact, it is on every night before I go to sleep]. I reread my favorite books over and over and over again [I threw in the third "over" to really make my point clear]. I would rather re-watch a movie than watch one for the first time. I prefer to go to a restaurant I have been to several times than step foot in a place I have never tried.

...I have the worst memory EVER. Seriously. My childhood is a complete blur to me. I hardly remember a thing. Geesh, I even have a hard time remembering what happened last week, let alone what happend in Kindergarten. 

...movies/tv/novels make me extremely uncomfortable at times. I cringe at the characters' embarrassing moments. Sometimes I even have to fast forward through awkward on-screen moments for my own sanity. 

...I sleep with a humidifier on every night. Nope, not because I like filtered air. In fact, I don't even put water in it. It is on purely for the noise. Ahh...I just love it. Jake, you ask? Not so much. Oh, the things he puts up with for love [or something like that].

...I get extremely overwhelmed in big groups of people. It makes me uncomfortable. It makes me shy. It makes me want to find a quiet place and just curl up in a little ball. But, put us one-on-one and I will be your best friend and tell you my deepest, darkest secrets. Okay...that may be a little extreme, but you get the point. 

Chubby Fingers...

Happy three month birthday Maycie Girl. We love you Angel Baby!

[my favorite chubby little fingers]

Thinking of you always, 

Momma

The Things They Say on Sunday...

My 5-year-old Primary class is the best. The best, I tell you. They say the cutest [and strangest] things ever. And I just love it. I have three adorable little girls [S, L, and A] and one special little boy [C] in my class. Their knowledge of the gospel amazes me. The things they say on Sunday are just too "profound" to keep to myself. 

Me: We need to choose the right so we can return to Heaven and be with Heavenly Father.

S: My big brother is in heaven.

Me: Oh, I am so sorry. I have a little baby girl in heaven too.

L: [to S] Does that mean your big brother is...dead?

S: No silly...my big brother is Jesus. 

DUH. 

.....

Me: Joseph Smith had lots of brothers and sisters.

L: One time, my dad pulled down his brother's pants and kissed his butt! [cue hysterical giggling]

Thanks, little L. That really did pertain to the lesson.

.....

Me: Joseph Smith's mom and dad loved him very much so they believed Joseph when he told them he saw Heavenly Father and Jesus. 

L: Sometimes moms and dads don't love their kids and so the police have to come and take the kids away.

C: [almost in tears] I don't want the police to come to my house.

Me: It's okay, C. They won't come because I know your mom and dad love you very much.

C: But my mom broke up with my dad...

Uh. You better believe this is when I pulled out some M&M's to change the subject. 

.....

A: [In her sweet prayer] Please bless we wont die...or something. [giggles] That's a silly thing to say in a prayer. Amen.

.....

L: [to me] Teacher, could you pulease bring us a different treat besides M&M's next week? There are other candies you know.

.....

C: [shows me his Book of Mormon] Did you know this book has Jesus in it?

Me: Yes, I did know that!

C: [in the cutest whiny voice a newly 5yr old boy can muster] I miss Jesus so much. I wish I could live with him again already.  It's just taking too long!

Talk about melting my heart!

.....

Primary President: Do you know what language missionaries speak in Brazil?

Me: [to my class] Raise your hand and say Portuguese.

L: [raises hand and screams excitedly] They speak "Oh cheese"! 

Really Random List of Ramblings [Take Three]...

Today I went to the Goodwill, my self-proclaimed happy place. 

As I walked out of the dressing room, a little boy said to his mom, 

"Look at that lady. Me don't like her. Die, die, die." 

Really. I kid not. 

Thanks little man. 

I appreciate your kindness. 

//

I lost my wedding ring. 

Seriously. I about had a massive heart attack.

I looked everywhere. 

I even came home from work at lunch to search a little more. No luck. 

Until I had an epiphany to look under my bed. 

Apparently I decided to forgo being married in the middle of the night.

 I just took the ring right off my finger.

All the while being dead asleep.

What the?

//

So I keep getting a call from this insurance guy while I am at work.

I can never say "I'm not interested".

I just feel guilty. And mean.

It's a curse.

So I have dodged his calls with "I'm headed to a meeting" or "I am with a client".

Until today. I couldn't think of an excuse.

So, I told him to call Jake.

Is it totally mean that I gave him Jake's old phone number?

Ha. Tricky tricky. 

//

I apparently have become addicted to The Bachelor. 

I have never seen it nor had a desire to.

But being home alone at night caused me to tune in.

And I am addicted.

The concept is stupid. The people are stupid. 

The whole thing is just ridiculously stupid.

And yet, I can't make myself stop watching it. 

Something about the complete stupidness of it just draws me in. 

What can I say, I get bored. 

Excuse me, but it has to be said...

Yesterday one of my best friends from high school slash college roommate stopped by the hotel to say hello. I have not seen her in years [well, she did visit at the hospital after Maycie was born but let's be honest...I was heavily medicated and don't remember a thing]. It was so good to see her and we talked like not even a second had passed since we had been together. She brought with her her adorable little boy who just tugged at my heartstrings. He, like little Maycie, was born with complicated health issues.

Our short conversation was mainly focused on our special little children. We talked about the hospital, the nurses, the NICU, and everything in between. And my favorite part? Somebody finally understood me and was comfortable holding a conversation with me about little Maycie.

The most common question I am asked is "How do you do it? How do you get through the day?" My friend said she gets the same question concerning her little boy and his serious health problems. And it was just so good to have someone understand what I meant when I said, "Well, it is what it is. You just deal."

I admit it. My pregnancy was hard. My delivery was hard. Losing Maycie was tremendously hard. Is hard. And just recently [as in this week] I have been able to make it through the day without crying. But there is still not a second that goes by in a day when I am not thinking about Maycie. I wake up in the morning and think...I should hear my baby crying.  I talk to a client at work and think...I should be at home with my baby. I drive in the car and think...I should have my baby in the backseat. It is never-ending. But...I just deal. I have to.

//

Going back to work so close to Maycie's passing has been hard [but therapeutic at exactly the same time]. Mainly because the last time I was there, I was pregnant. And not many of my co-workers and regular guests are aware of Maycie's passing. So I get a lot of "How's the baby?" which, believe me, I prepared myself for. I even came up with a quick response I could pull out when needed. But the awkward stumbling for words after my "quick response" is still hard to get used to.

I understand the fact that people don't know what to say to me. Sometimes I bring up little Maycie in casual conversations [she's my little girl...I am allowed to talk about her] and my statement is followed by uncomfortable silence. I get it. I understand. I would be the same way if the situation was reversed. But please don't feel uncomfortable. Jake and I are trying to heal. And our healing process is unquestionably fueled by surrounding ourselves with co-workers, good friends, and family. If you're uncomfortable talking to us, we can tell. And we don't want you to be. So don't be. Understood?

I mean, we are still the same people. I know infant death is a hard thing for people to comprehend and be comfortable talking about. But Jake and I...well, we have been blessed with a greater understanding since Maycie passed. And we know we will have a chance to raise our little angel baby one day. And that knowledge, plus talking about my little Maycie, gets me through the day. Again, we are the same people - so treat us that way.

Moral of this long, jumbled, and brutally honest post, you ask? Here you go. Please don't feel uncomfortable talking to me. Ever. Loosing my baby is extremely hard to say the least. But...I am dealing.

Strangeness...

You know it is a strange day when you Facetime your little sister and instead see the faces of these two crazies!!!

Sometimes...

Sometimes // I go to bed at 8:30pm. Just because I can.

Sometimes // I change my clothes 16 times and then put back on the first outfit I had on.

Sometimes // I miss my husband so much that I Facetime him while he is in the other room. No big deal.

Sometimes // I decide to go on a diet. And then Jake brings me home a Caramello.

Sometimes // I throw my diet out the window.

Sometimes // I quit my job. Then four months later they hire me back in a different position. Awesome.

Sometimes // I give up soda. And this sometime happens to be up to 23 days. Even more awesome.

Sometimes // I check my blog stats and see pageviews from Russia, Singapore, Japan, Israel, and Poland.

Sometimes // I see the visitors from these crazy places and think I should become a private blogger.

Sometimes // I go into Maycie's bright turquoise room and imagine her playing in her cute white crib.

Sometimes // I start a new job and Jake gets a promotion on the same day. Awesome.

Sometimes // I find myself in awe at the kindness of others. Pure awe.

Sometimes // I write random blog posts just to pass the time until Jake gets off work.

12 on the 12th: January

Let's try this again, shall we?
Blog, welcome back 12 on the 12th.
Try to do better than last year, m'kay?

January: 12 on the 12th

one // Last night I was just too tired and too grumpy to clean the kitchen. I left the sink full of dishes, the counter covered in papers, and even left our dinner out [uh, gross]. This morning I woke up to a sparkly clean kitchen. That husband of mine...I just love him. [and while we are on topic, take a peek at our "before remodel" kitchen here]

two // Jake's parents came today to pick up their four wheeler we borrowed several months ago. Jake couldn't help but take it on one last joyride [a.k.a the ever exciting snow removal]. 

three // Jake's sweet parents treated us to lunch. Just don't mind that I forgot to take a picture myself so I totally stole one off the internet.  That's what I call improvising. 

four // I have been telling Jake for the last few months that I wished the Book of Mormon was set up more like a novel. The English nerd in me thinks it would be easier for me to read. Today Jake bought me one of the original Book of Mormon look-a-likes. It reads just like a novel [you know...no versus, just chapters]. Can't wait to trick my mind into reading more [it will work...I think].

five // Tomorrow is my first official day in my new calling in our ward. Can't wait to teach those cute little five-year-olds. You know you love my yellow construction paper crowns...

six // My new favorite pass time, you ask? Facetiming with my cute eleven-year-old little sister [Happy Birthday Rie].

seven // 5 days and thirteen dollars in late fees later, we returned our rented movies. Whoops. 

eight // All the supplies a new primary teacher needs. You know...construction paper, crayons, chalk, glue sticks, and of course M&M's. I gotta keep those little kiddos sufficiently busy and easily bribed [thus, the M&M's]. 

nine // Today is Maycie Laine's one month birthday! To celebrate, Jake took me to Sonic to relive my biggest pregnancy craving. I am sure little Miss M appreciated it even up in heaven. 

ten // I have been busy writing thank you cards for all those who supported us after Maycie passed. I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of support we received.

Just as small side note -- My sisters surprised us with a donation fund set up on our behalf. Unfortunately, we do not receive the names of those who donated. So, if any of you out there contributed to this account, please please PLEASE know we are so appreciative and wish we could personally thank each and every one of you.  And I would LOVE to thank you myself...so SPILL! If you contributed, let me know. I really would feel better about the whole thing if I could personally thank you. 

eleven // Our night consisted of football [blah]. Don't worry...I kept myself busy on Pinterest. 

twelve // Turns out my pre-pregnancy clothes are not even close to fitting my post-pregnancy body. And I don't think my new job [yep ... I start on Monday - details later] would appreciate me wearing my sweatpants to work every day. Cue excuse for a day of thrifting! 

Our Sweet Angel Baby...

"The Lord takes many away even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again." - Prophet Joseph Smith

Today is the scheduled day Maycie was supposed to be born. 
In her memory, I decided it was time to recap her birth story.

//

On Tuesday, December 11th, I met with my doctor for my weekly appointment. I mentioned I felt decreased movement from little Maycie. I was sent over for a stress test to monitor her heart rate. The test came back "just okay". My doctor decided to see me the following day for an ultrasound and a follow-up stress test.  On Wednesday, December 12th, I had a 9:30am ultrasound [I think it was about our 20th ultrasound...we lost count]. By 9:35, my tech made the decision Maycie needed to be delivered that day. Her amniotic fluid was almost nonexistent. My doctor sent me home for one hour to pack a bag and shower and then I needed to go back to the hospital for the stress test before heading to Salt Lake.  Maycie's heart rate fluctuated way to much. At one point it went from 70 bpm all the way up to 180 bpm in a matter of seconds. But the little fighter corrected herself as much as she could.

[Last baby bump picture taken right before delivery in the UUMC bathroom]

The drive to SLC was never ending. Jake and I couldn't wait to meet our little girl but we were also very nervous to deliver at 35 weeks [especially because our doctor, Dr. Draper, was at a medical conference in South Africa]. Once we arrived, I was immediately set up on machines to monitor Maycie's heart. At one point, we had about 6 doctors rush into our room and tell us they needed to take me NOW. I had to hurry and sign some consent forms while they started to wheel my bed away. My heart dropped. This was not the way I had imagined meeting my little girl. But Maycie fought once more and was able to correct her heart rate just in time. It was a very scary 60 seconds. The doctors were able to slow down and catch their breath which made the situation a little less scary for Jake and I. We were taken into the delivery room about 20 minutes later. Maycie was born at 7:44pm. She weighted 3 lbs 3 oz and was 16 inches long.

The actual delivery went quite quick. Jake insisted on watching the whole procedure. Makes me queasy just thinking about it. I kept begging him to sit down next to me, which he did. But then I would catch him sneaking back up to watch. Silly boy. There were a few complications with the closure and I had quite the "fun" reactions to the medication [I am sure the nurses got awfully sick of me throwing up on them]. But through it all, I just wanted to meet my little girl.

In the delivery room, there is a small window straight into the NICU at University of Utah. Right when they delivered Maycie, she was transfered through the "window". I didn't get to see her at this point. One of the reasons for this was Maycie's omphalocele ruptured upon delivery. Oringinally, her "O" was surrounded by a membrane that concealed her organs. For whatever reason, the membrane broke and exposed her organs upon delivery. Her "O" became even more life threatening at this point.

Once she was taken through the window, her doctors wrapped her omphalocele the best they could so she could be safely transported to Primary Children's. PCMC actually sent a life flight team over to pick up Maycie. They even gave her a cute little t-shirt showing she had been life flighted, even though they just wheeled her down a small hallway to PCMC. On their way to Primary's, the life flight team stopped in my room so I could meet my little girl. I can't express the feelings I had at that moment. Her abnormalities were very apparent, but she was beautiful. Perfect in every way. This visit with my little girl was extremely short because Maycie needed the medical attention Primary's offered.

[Meeting Maycie during her "life flight". I couldn't move from my spinal tap so Jake had to hold me up.]

Jake followed Maycie to PCMC while I was taken to my room. The next several hours dragged on forever. I wanted to be with my sweet baby girl, but due to my spinal tap [and...you know...being sliced in half], I was told I would have to wait 12 hours before I could make the trip to Primary's.

Around midnight [about 4 hours after delivery] Jake called me and gave me devastating news. The doctors thought there was a very good chance Maycie would not make it through the night. I was heartbroken. I could not believe my little girl might pass away with me only seeing her for 5 minutes. But that night I was extremely blessed with two amazing nurses who "fibbed" on my charts stating I was in better medical condition than I actually was. Due to their kindness, I was able to make it to PCMC around 3:30am to see Maycie. I will never forget their compassion in that situation.

To see Maycie in the NICU with her daddy holding her tiny hand was heartbreaking and breathtaking at exactly the same time. Her tiny body was covered in medical equipment. But her little spirit was so apparent underneath all of the tubes and needles. All I wanted to do was reach out, hold her in my arms, and take all of her pain away.

The next day [or later that day, I guess] I was able to take my parents, my sister Kim, and my brother Alan and his wife into the NICU to meet little Maycie. I kept imagining how their meeting would have been so different if Maycie was healthy. But I will never regret the closeness I felt with my family members as we stood next to Maycie's hospital bed.

[My daddy wheeling me to see baby Maycie]

Each visit I made to the NICU that day was filled with new information from several doctors who never left Maycie's side. And each time I received even more devastating news. My little girl was sedated, but still felt pain. This fact caused me more pain and hurt than I can even describe.

By the end of that day, it was apparent our little Maycie would not survive her many complications. The several machines attached to her and the many medications given were the only things keeping our little girl here on earth. Because of this, Jake and I had to make the decision to let our little Maycie return to her Heavenly Father. As I look back, I know Jake and I were both being "comforted" at that time. It was the hardest decision we would ever have to make, but we both knew it was the right one.

Jake's parents arrived at the hospital around midnight to meet Maycie Laine before her ventilator was turned off. Once they arrived, Maycie's team of doctors moved her into a private room where we could finally hold our little girl. I cannot begin to describe the feelings I had when our sweet little girl was placed in my arms. I have never felt closer to heaven than I did at that moment.

Jake and his dad were able to give little M a blessing before she passed. It was such an amazing experience and I will forever cherish the feelings I felt as I watched Jake hold his little girl in his arms at that moment.

Being in that room with my little girl while she passed was the most painful and most comforting experience I have ever had. Time passed slowly and quickly at exactly the same time. Little Maycie Laine Schwartz returned to her heavenly home at 6am on 12.14.12 -- about 36 hours after birth.

I am so grateful for every single one of the people who were there that night helping Maycie pass with the least amount of pain possible. I am grateful for each of their sweet comments. I am grateful for the little memorabilia they gifted us with. I am grateful for the professional photographer who captured our first and last moments of holding our little girl [can't wait to see them]. I am just so grateful.

//

Maycie's tiny little body was laid to rest in Malta on 12.21.12, one week after she passed. We held a small graveside funeral surrounded by our closest family members. Maycie's Grandpa Schwartz gave an opening prayer and her Grandpa Branch gave the dedicatory prayer. Her daddy said a few words as well. It was short and perfectly sweet -- just like her life on this earth. 

[Maycie Laine's 19 inch casket. So little.]

[Some of Maycie's things the hospital gave us. Her little hand cast is my favorite. And her headband...it fits on my wrist]

//

Thank you all for the love and support you have offered us. I cannot begin to express our gratitude. The outpouring of support we have received - both emotionally and financially - has been overwhelming. Jake and I will forever be grateful for each and every one of you.